Reputation means everything...

Today is a blog for the kids out there and their parents. The news often catches my attention, and how could it not with unstable people throwing away cats and teens crashing into a bridge at 100+ miles an hour (BTW he lived, though surely his life will change severely). Yesterday's news was full of stories to blog about, but one in particular hit me in the parenting strings.

A 14 year old boy was accused of breaking into a neighbor's apartment and brutally stabbing a deaf and mute 16 year old boy. Right off the story is horrific; what would make a child do something so violent? Then it gets even worse. The news, in their search for a bigger and better story, starts knocking on neighbor's doors. They have this sick desire to be the first on the scene, the first to shove a tragic event into people's faces, and then film for the world to see. The neighbors rarely let America down, which I never understand. Relatives, siblings, and yes, even parents can be found on the news recounting the tragedy or fatality of their loved ones, as soon as the same day! This trend is especially disturbing to me.

But, back to this story. The news gathers neighbors, tells them of the brutal stabbing and then films their reaction. When the shock turns to anger, they begin questioning about the accused boy. Neighbors quickly paint a picture of a hoodlum with accusations like, "I always knew he was bad", and "I saw him looking in cars with a flashlight last week." Soon people were coming out of the woodwork, one by one piling on more judgement and vague accusations on this 14 year old.

Turns out, the boy's own mother attacked him and then blamed the 14 year old. I'll let that soak in a minute...

This is a horrible example of how life is an ongoing learning experience. I don't promote the tactics used by the news crews, but I will certainly sit my kids down and explain how this could happen to any kid, especially if that kid has gotten in trouble before. Keep in mind, there were no reports of this 14 year old ever being arrested for anything, but he was readily accepted as a violent offender because of emotional neighbors, and possibly some stupid actions on his part in the past.

Many kids today think it's a right of passage to get in trouble, or they think what they're doing wrong doesn't hurt anyone, or maybe they simply believe they won't get caught. What they don't think about is their reputation. It's something I'm always trying to teach my children. You are how you act, at least in the eyes of the public. If you show the slightest disregard for someone else's property or person, you're viewed as a deviant. If you don't have enough people around you who can vouch for your innocence, you risk being condemned by the public, and even by the law.

The mother in this case was obviously cold, or unstable, enough to brutally harm her own child and then blame another child. Imagine if she was able to continue the lie? An innocent teen would have been put in jail. He's already been found guilty by his neighbors.

So kids, know that what you do does matter, always has some consequence, and does shape your reputation and the way the world views you.

I hope that the 14 year old, and all kids in similar situations, takes this experience as a lesson in human behavior and doesn't cause himself more problems by reacting out of anger. I also hope that the neighbors learned something too. Don't be quick to judge another, say "No Comment" and let the police and court systems do their job.

Of course this is my opinion, let me know if you agree or disagree.

Thanks,

Kristin : )

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

David Bowie's Changes

I love that Bowie song. Life is all about changes, some you welcome, others you dread, and then there are those constant little changes that go on everyday. These go basically unnoticed until that one day when you wake up and say, "Hey! When did that happen?" There is a point in every parent's life when this happens, some parents may have many moments like this. I'm having a big one now.

As a parent of four I know the meaning of busy, swamped, overwhelmed, and yes, joy, and unconditional love also. Having a full house is chaotic in good and bad ways. I've learned over the years to pick my battles, fight the important ones, and above all I've learned to put my head down like a bull and plow through tough times. It's how I got things done, never stopping to think how tired I was or how crazy things were (like the boy scout hike for my oldest where my husband & I ended up carrying our younger kids up the entire mountain). Or taking care of my 6 year old and my 3 month old sons, who learned to share very early on. Too bad it was a horrible case of Chicken Pox. No matter what the situation, no matter the challenge each new change brought, we just did it. That's what a parent does. Your kids need something, you do it. But, what do you do when they don't need you any longer?

I don't think anyone ever stops needing their parents in an emotional sense. They do, if we've done our job right, stop needing us to physically do everything and be everywhere with them. This is a hard change to handle. There's no way to put my head down and charge through this challenge, because the challenge is to stand back and let my kids change into the adults they are becoming, eventually completely independent of me. Necessary, but heart wrenching at the same time.

We are dealing with big changes in our family. My oldest is saving for his own place, my second son is leaving for college next Friday, son#3 is starting middle school, and my baby is going into 6th grade. Our family unit will be forever altered. This is not an easy thing to grasp. How did they get so big? Where did all those sleepless nights go, diaper changes, first steps, milestones? When did they go from learning how to tie their shoes to running out the door to their own adulthood?

I chatted this morning about this very thing with a couple of friends on Twitter and with moms IRL, including my own. The response was basically the same. We raise our kids to become happy, healthy, independent people, but when the day comes for them to do that we want to shove them back into a cradle and have more time (metaphorically anyway). Why? I can only answer for me, and I'm sure when my younger two kids are ready to jump ship I'll have a different answer. Here's how I feel now.

Change is never easy. I have devoted the last 20 years to my family. That's 240 months, 7305 days, 175,316 hours...you get the picture. That's a lot of time in. A lot of changes took place to get us to where we are today. Now I'm faced with changes that will take us away from the family as we know it. We'll always be family, but not the same. As their ages change so do the dynamics. It's not just the kids learning to be more independent, I too have to learn how to be independent from them. That's the hard part for me. I'm not a clingy mom, but I can't help feeling like it's all happening too fast. Not to mention that dreaded mortality monster. When we see our children become adults we can't ignore how much older we are too. So as I worry about what kind of lives my children will make for themselves, I also worry how much I will be around for. That's a scary thought.

The one thing I know is there is no easy way to deal with all of life's changes. Fighting them is exhausting and a waste of time. They're going to happen anyway, with or without my consent. What I will do is listen to David Bowie; I will "...turn and face the change..." Embrace it even? Well, maybe not right away, but I will retain the belief that not all change is bad. For example, if I don't allow my kids to grow up and move out, how will I put my evil plan into action. The plan where I shove dirty socks under their couches, write my name in permanent marker on their vinyl siding, and pee all over their bathroom seat (Yes! I said it, you all know you want to.) Pay back is a mother ;)

Sure, I may have more sad days, growing up and letting go are processes, they take time. If I get too sad, or begin to dwell too much, someone please direct me back here to this blog post, where I can recharge and remember why I did all this. I want to see the look on my adult kids' faces when they come out of that bathroom. :D

For some other great blogs for parents you have to read these. They inspired me to write about my changes and help me keep a sense of humor about this thing we call parenting.

Claudine M. Jalajas

Lisa Bonchek Adams

Thanks for stopping by and for your patience while I took a little summer blog nap :) It was needed and now it's over.

Kristin : )

Time For A Fortune

It's officially summer here in CT, as of June 22. Time is no longer a luxury and I'm finding it extremely hard to squeeze out a few quiet moments for writing or reading these days. In fact, as I write this post my daughter's friend arrived and silly puppy play quickly became mayhem, sending me running downstairs and outside to referee. On an unrelated note: Dog obedience classes begin in August :D

Among other changes, I'll be taking the rest of the summer off from my blog, which means I'll also be taking time off from doing reviews. I'm going to regroup and get my focus back on my writing, which seems to be the area in my life that suffers when things change around me.

What brings me to this decision? A fortune cookie.

Yes, you heard that correctly, a fortune cookie. I'm not an overly superstitious person and don't believe that luck alone makes things happen, but sometimes I am amazed by a simple statement on a random tea bag tag or fortune cookie. Now you want to know what it said, right? Here it is... but before I do, make sure you're ready for it. This is Confucius worthy stuff here, not to be taken lightly. Reading this could change your life, or a small part of it anyway.

Ok, all drama and joking aside...

What is more important to you, your goal, or others' opinions of your goal?

*Bashaaaa* That was the sound of your mind blowing, well at least that's what mine sounded like. Or maybe I sat on one of Scout's squeaky toys ;)

This little cookie summed it all up nicely. What is more important? And, which am I putting more effort into? My writing is very important to me, it's why I have a blog. But, when I really think about it, I spend more energy and time than I want to admit justifying or feeling guilty for taking the actual time to sit down and write. So, when family or friends need something I am quick to say yes. So quick that they feel very comfortable asking the next time, and the next, and .... you get the picture. The more I do for others, the less time I have to work on my goals, and the more frustrated I become.

It's time to put my energy where it belongs. That means a break from online commitments, saying no more, taking time for me to write, undisturbed, and MAKING everyone respect that time.

Notice a theme here? How many times I've mentioned the word 'time'? It's a great theme, because it's time for a change. That fortune cookie, though lacking in flavor, was packed with a timely message. Ok, I over did it at the end.

I'm ready to make these changes and know that it's not going to be easy to enforce them, but we'll all be happier in the end. I welcome your thoughts on this and would love to hear what inspired you to make changes.

Thanks,

Kristin : )

Scout (blank) Callender

Hi everyone. It's time for another Scout update. The above picture is of 2 month old (pre-puppiness syndrome) Scout and my daughter :) She is 3 months old now and has found her puppiness, which comes with sharp teeth and a few unpleasant offerings left in dark corners. Sure puppiness also comes with a lot of cute, fluffy, nuzzling stuff too, but that's not what I'm here to talk about now. I'm here to discuss those parts of puppies that dog lovers like to call "spunkiness, mischievous, or the infamous still learning stage."

As we continue to help her through this energetic (and possibly overfed) time I have found that her name (which I love and won't let my in laws change to Sprout. Yes they have tried) needs a little something extra. When she thinks it's great fun to run around me, nipping and occasionally catching a whole mouthful of my flesh, I find that shouting "Scout, NO!" isn't always enough. She seems to hear, Scout, NO... you're not biting hard enough and Scout, NO... you should not go to the bathroom while we stand outside for an hour, you should wait til we go back inside.

Now I proud myself as a problem solver, so I start thinking how do I solve this? The books I've looked at and many websites say your tone of voice should signal to your puppy if she has done something good or bad. Hey, that works with my kids, but after countless attempts and variations of tones I truly believe that Scout is tone deaf. She can't seem to tell the difference between our happy good girl voice and our angry stop what you are doing one. Although to her credit, she is fully conditioned to sit and give me her paw at the slightest potential of food being offered. And yes, I have tried to diffuse an overly energetic biting/playing session with food. It has had mixed reactions, sometimes she will sit and listen, but once her eyes glaze over and the Gremlin in her is released there is no getting through to her.

So, I sit and think again, read some more information published by people who have sparkling good puppies, and wonder how I have managed to raise four kids that don't bite and only occasionally miss the toilet. That's when it hits me. When all else fails, when my kids tune out my angry voice, there is a secret weapon I use. It's a weapon that has been passed down, generation to generation, and yet when used properly never loses its power to stop every kid in the neighborhood in their tracks and bring all eyes on the wayward child in question.

What is this awesome power? It's the dreaded middle name. You laugh, but every kid knows when their middle name is used something has gone terrible wrong, they have been nabbed beyond all reasonable doubt, and they scamper home to learn their consequence. (Well, maybe not scamper. It's more of a stompy sulk)

Why not try this power on Scout? This is where you come in. We need help coming up with a middle name for Scout. Something that will help her better distinguish when things have gone terribly wrong. So far we have had some interesting recommendations.

Some suggested middle names for Scout:

• Sprout (does make a cute middle name) (TY to my in laws)
  
• Bella (for her Vampire tendencies) (TY Dave & Amy)
  
• Gremlin ;)
  
• Ignatius (TY @Stinginthetail )
  
• Lee ( TY @amydaugustine )
  
• Scout-A-Roonie (TY @amydaugustine )
  
• Potato (TY @MrsWhich )
  
  

You can vote for one of these or add your own to the mix.

Please keep in mind, this is all in good fun. We are dealing with the same issues that all new puppy owners do and are just leaning on our sense of humor to get through it. Scout is well loved, exercised, and fed. So, with all due respect, if you are here to lecture me about proper pet care do me a favor and get your own puppy and call me in the morning ;) If you're here to help give our Scouty Pouty Pudding Pie who bit the kids and made them cry* a middle name, THANKS for your help and sense of humor.

Kristin : )

*That is what we sing to her now. With our singing, she is very lucky to be tone deaf ;)